Old School Games And The Reviews I Post

This Amazon.com review turned out to become more than slightly amusing and definitely worth noting in my blog. It's not often I'm inspired to write something comical and more than slightly amusing:

A Review of The Legend of Zelda: A Link to the Past (Includes Four Swords)

16 Years Later...I FINALLY BEAT YOU!, March 30, 2009
By J. Wactor (Tucson, AZ) -

That's right 'A Link To The Past', I bought you when you first came out on Super Nintendo. You were one of my first games and I loved you dearly. I must have invested hundreds of hours playing you, searching for all the fractions of hearts, digging with the shovel in places I shouldn't have been digging. I would hop between worlds like it was a revolving door and try to murder the invincible chickens. I'd play your mini-games until I was a grand master at shooting those squids in the shop 5 out of 5 times!

But you know what I never did? I never kicked the crap out of Ganon and beat the game!!! It was either because it was too hard, I was too distracted, or I was too confused as to where that last key was in the Ice Palace (YouTube'd that nonsense) but I never conquered you.

Fast forward to November 2008: I'm in Iraq with a pink Nintendo DS my wife gave me and a lot of free time on my hands. So I order you, and oh the nostalgia! I still remembered nearly every little trick 17 years later, and this time Ganon, instead of meeting an idle 8-year old with a low attention span you find yourself squaring up with a battle-hardened 24-year old weapon of the U.S. Army...with a slightly higher attention span. But you find yourself suddenly lacking, and you stink of fear. My silver arrows cut your fleshy pig skin to shreds, and for the first time ever Zelda is overwhelmed by my machismo. The TriForce is in the hands of a benevolent ruler once more and we celebrate until dawn; I make bacon for breakfast with the flesh of my enemy.

This game is the pinnacle of video game greatness. I didn't play `Four Swords' so I have nothing to say about that portion, but it doesn't get better than `A Link To The Past'.