It is my theory (and I use the science-y term theory to skate being held accountable to my thoughts) that Fred Thomson, actor, politician, Republican, and bastion of conservative ideals, may be a rock.
I'm not referring to his ability to mimic the physical characteristics of the steel biceps, tree trunk legs, eyebrow laden, rock hard abs of Dwayne "The Rock" Johnson...my dreamboat of a man/wrestler/actor that makes my heterosexual heart swoon after he was able to add to his already impressive resume:
12 FOOT SCORPION!!!
No kind readers...that I would have voted for.
Nor do I refer to Fred Thomson in any way to IRAQ...which sounds incredibly close to the word 'rock' when your mouth is full of marbles.(Though I'm sure his bowel movements operate in a similar fashion to Iraq's populace: too old and uncooperative to comply with anything we try to jam down its throat; on the verge of collapsing)
It is my conclusion dear readers that Fred Thomson is AN ACTUAL ROCK masquerading as a Presidential candidate.
If you'll observe the evidence I've collected:
- During recent New Hamshire Debates and Fox News Debates, anytime and EVERY TIME a question wasn't directed to him, or candidates bickered with each other, he took the opportunity to remain silent, still, and tried his best to blend into the scenery...much like an inatimate object.
- I have no number two...
"Rocks can't talk"
While this is true, I would like to point out that whenever he DOES talk it's always about Social Security. Which can only lead to one explanation:
Republicans engineered a rock with the maximum capacity of discussing only ONE issue, (in the mid-90s they simply didn't have the technology to construct a more balanced candidate) Consequently, they chose what they thought would be the most crucial issue of the 21st century...
It was either that or a rock that could only discuss President Clinton's scandalous private life....
They shoulda done the latter.
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1 comment:
Good for people to know.
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